Couples learn new language, how to fill love tanks at retreat

Article and Photos by Staff Sgt. Gregory Sanders, 85th Civil Affairs Brigade Public Affairs

SAN ANTONIO, Texas – Three years ago a young couple struck out to begin a life together with the hope of happiness amid all the challenges that faced them.  One deployment and a permanent change of station later, their marriage is one signature away from ending.

            With more than 50 percent of marriages ending in divorce, programs are put into place to help improve communications between married couples.  Since 1999, the Strong Bonds program was developed to assist Soldiers and Families.

            The Chaplain-led program utilizes different tools and programs to train and teach those seeking assistance for improvement, both individual and relational.

            One of these programs, The Five Love Languages, was put to use during a couples retreat hosted by 85^th Civil Affairs Brigade ministry team here Aug. 23-25 that more than 15 Fort Hood-based couples attended.

            Maj. Joe Coolman, a Civil Affairs Planning Team officer with 85^th Civil Affairs Brigade, and Maj. Katy Coolman, a Military Information Support Operations officer assigned to 1^st Cavalry Division are one couple taking advantage of the opportunity to reconnect after an extended period of separation due to deployments and differing duty assignments.

            “We were separated for the better part of three years,” said Joe Coolman. “So it’s like we are newlyweds again.”

            “This retreat is a nice refresher,” said Katy Coolman.

            The Five Languages program focused on unique ways people send and receive messages of affection with their significant others which varied from words of affirmation to physical touches. The couples explored which languages they spoke, as well as their partner.

            The duration of marriage varied from couple to couple, from newlyweds with just three weeks together, to couples with more than 10 years.  Utilizing surveys, lectures and couples discussion time, the program sought to transcend all levels of marriage experience, offering useful information for everyone.

            “I never knew how happy nick was with our relationship,” said Jackie Arkells, spouse of Spec. Nick Arkells, a legal specialist assigned to 85^th Civil Affairs Brigade.  “During this retreat, I found out that his tank is at a nine.”

            This love tank, as referred to in the 5 Languages program, provides participants the opportunity to assign their level of happiness a numeric value.

            “It’s ridiculous how simple it is to make each other happy,” said Spec. Arkells.

            Having just over a year married, the Arkells represented one of the younger married couples.  Sgt. 1^st Class Armin Englerth and wife Jessica, however, have more than ten years married and learned how one another express and accept apology.

            “Learning about our apologies seemed to be the most useful information,” said Jessica Englerth.

            “Overall, the retreat gives us another tool to help us along in our relationships,” said Sgt. 1^st Class Englerth, the chemical NCOIC with Headquarters and Headquarters Company, 85^th Civil Affairs Brigade.  “There wasn’t one particular thing that I can say stood out more than the other.”

            Five Love Languages is a series developed by Gary Chapman, director of Marriage and Family Life Consultants services, and adopted by the Army Strong Bonds Program as a tool to train and teach Soldiers and their Families.

            The Strong Bonds program began in 1999, growing from just a small participant group of 90 couples stationed within the 25^th Infantry Division, Hawaii.  A study completed in fiscal year 2010 showed a 50 percent reduction in the divorce rate of military Families.

            More than 160,000 Soldiers and Family members have participated in more than 2,600 events across the globe.  For more information or to find a Strong Bonds event, contact your unit chaplain or visit www.strongbonds.org

Maj. (Ch) Bradley Godding, 85th Civil Affairs Brigade, addresses more than 15 couples during a Strong Bonds retreat in San Antonio Aug 23-25.  (Photo by Army Staff Sgt. Gregory Sanders, 85th CA Bde. Public Affairs.)

Maj. Joe Coolman, 85^th Civil Affairs Brigade, and Maj. Katy Coolman, 1^st Cavalry Division, work to complete a survey during a Strong Bonds retreat in San Antonio Aug. 23-25.  The Coolmans looked to utilize the retreat to reconnect after an extended period of separation. (Photo by Army Staff Sgt. Gregory Sanders, 85th CA Bde. Public Affairs)

Maj. (Ch) Bradley Godding, 85th Civil Affairs Brigade, talks a couple through survey results during a Strong Bonds retreat in San Antonio Aug 23-25.  The survey, part of the Five Languages program, defined how the couple communicated affection and their expectations of each other.  (Photo by Army Staff Sgt. Gregory Sanders, 85th CA Bde. Public Affairs.).

Sgt. 1st Class Armin Englerth, a chemicical NCOIC with Headquarters and Headquarters Company, 85th Civil Affairs Brigade, takes painstaking care to properly complete a communication survey during a Strong Bonds retreat in San Antonio Aug 23-25. (photo by Army Staff Sgt. Gregory Sanders, 85th CA Bde. Public Affairs)